Some people are afraid of being alone. You, too, may have sought external stimulation by constantly trying to spend every waking hour with others, unsure of what to do when you’re by yourself.
You may even find that you spend all your free time on social media, needing to feel that connection with others from afar. Over different periods in our lives, we may all develop different vices when it comes to the fear of loneliness.
What we don’t realize is that the fundamental relationship in our lives is ultimately with ourselves.
And the people we choose to surround ourselves with will constantly reflect parts of ourselves that we’re comfortable or uncomfortable with until we understand what needs to be fixed and what needs to be reinforced.
It has been said that you are the average of your friends. I like to think of people as mirrors - everyone’s projecting/reflecting their insecurities onto other people. Some take more aggressive approaches than others, and many deserve huge kudos for working really hard at building people up despite their internalized pain.
What we don’t realize is that we reveal a lot of ourselves by who we surround ourselves with. So many of our triggers are rooted in our own personal fears about ourselves, and how we choose to treat each other is based on whether we are willing to confront these fears or not.
It is important to also realize that the fear of being alone is fundamentally a fear of looking at and confronting yourself. Interestingly enough, when you realize that spending time with others is simply challenging you to go within, you realize that even with changes in friends and other people in our lives, we’re still finding the same challenges because they will keep coming at us until we learn to look within.
The more you learn to love yourself and develop that relationship with yourself, you will be able to let go of old patterns and unhealthy relationships and they will be replaced with loving ones with healthy boundaries. We learn what takes up too much of our energy, and how much we can give at one amount of time.
As you realize that others are simply a reflection of you, it should be more comforting to realize that you need to take time for yourself, to recharge, to set boundaries, and to reflect. This time is of most importance, as we must learn to do this before we can fully participate in our relationships with others.
Some of you need to be reminded that you are worthy of loving yourself, that you possess the unconditional capacity to love, even if you're a little bruised or broken. You will find that you never needed anyone to fix or save you - that at the end of the day, you had the power to accept yourself from the beginning, and that you don't ever need that approval from anyone else but you.
You will be able to take this inner power and reach out to the right people and the right support, eventually sharing that self love with everyone else to inspire and help them cultivate themselves too.
Choose to continue to learn and grow from your surroundings when you see your shadows in other people. But take more responsibility for yourself than for others. You can't get everyone to take a good look at themselves, but you can learn to set better boundaries and learn to worry less about others who don’t want to know or understand themselves - or you.
~ Victoria and the Angel Team
Victoria is a Hong Kong Canadian who has grown up and studied in 6 countries across 4 continents. Having pursued undergraduate studies in philosophy and religion, and later, political science in graduate school, she has always been intrigued by the metaphysical world, identity, and importance of unconditional love beginning with the self. She met Morgana Starr at the age of 14, who has helped her through many challenging times in her life. Today, her goal is to find ways to reach those who believe in social sustainability through a balance of education and belief systems based on understanding and kindness.